Umm Ahmad’s thoughts

I have taken a lady named Umm Ahmad as my friend. A friend , i hope will always remind me of my destination.

Umm Ahmad, when she feels sad, will never talk about what it is that makes her sad. She has always been fond of people so it is unlike her to shy away from the crowd even when she is sad. 

Sometimes I feel sorry for her. Knowing she still has to face people when her heart is exhausted. People who in my head are the elephants that sit on her shoulder. 
Umm Ahmad refuses to be angry with them even when she had the right to. She can’t help it sometimes, so if you observe carefully, you will notice subtle hints of her anger and frustrations.  Most of the time you won’t. She hides it pretty well I must say.  Her choice to keep things bottled up is her own and I respect that.

I notice one  subtle hint that was too obvious for my heart to ignore.  Even when she doesn’t breathe a word to me.

Everytime she is sad, she will ask me, “Remind me of death.” And so I would. And she will smile.

The thing about Umm Ahmad is that death fascinates her. In ways that she yearns badly to meet Allah. In ways that she is scared she won’t be able to if her sadness distracts her from Him. In ways that it gets her focused on what’s important.

This, I found out later , when I had the courage to ask her.

SubhanAllah, Umm Ahmad. 

Thank you. 


A letter to Bub

Help me understand, Bubba,
Why can’t we just make peace with ourselves?

Why do we have to beat the rest and ourselves even harder ?

Why can’t we just settle with what we have?

Why can’t things be as simple?

I wonder,

Can bagging that extra dollar make me happier?

Can having that great job make me feel more secure?

Can loving that perfect man make me feel that I am truely loved?

Does losing that extra dollar to someone who need it more than I do make me poorer?

Does refusing to climb the corporate ladder and settling as kindergarten teacher make me any less successful?

Does not having a man to love but having felt all the great love from family & friends make me a lonely person?

What does it take to feel whole, Bubba?
Tell me.

Inner Battles

“My mind reminds me of Syria and Palestine,


With nothing to reconcile.

But they say it’s fine.

It’s absolutely fine.

You can’t build strong minds with easy pasts.

These wars are just a reminder to be kinder.”