Umm Ahmad’s thoughts

I have taken a lady named Umm Ahmad as my friend. A friend , i hope will always remind me of my destination.

Umm Ahmad, when she feels sad, will never talk about what it is that makes her sad. She has always been fond of people so it is unlike her to shy away from the crowd even when she is sad. 

Sometimes I feel sorry for her. Knowing she still has to face people when her heart is exhausted. People who in my head are the elephants that sit on her shoulder. 
Umm Ahmad refuses to be angry with them even when she had the right to. She can’t help it sometimes, so if you observe carefully, you will notice subtle hints of her anger and frustrations.  Most of the time you won’t. She hides it pretty well I must say.  Her choice to keep things bottled up is her own and I respect that.

I notice one  subtle hint that was too obvious for my heart to ignore.  Even when she doesn’t breathe a word to me.

Everytime she is sad, she will ask me, “Remind me of death.” And so I would. And she will smile.

The thing about Umm Ahmad is that death fascinates her. In ways that she yearns badly to meet Allah. In ways that she is scared she won’t be able to if her sadness distracts her from Him. In ways that it gets her focused on what’s important.

This, I found out later , when I had the courage to ask her.

SubhanAllah, Umm Ahmad. 

Thank you. 


A letter to Bub

Help me understand, Bubba,
Why can’t we just make peace with ourselves?

Why do we have to beat the rest and ourselves even harder ?

Why can’t we just settle with what we have?

Why can’t things be as simple?

I wonder,

Can bagging that extra dollar make me happier?

Can having that great job make me feel more secure?

Can loving that perfect man make me feel that I am truely loved?

Does losing that extra dollar to someone who need it more than I do make me poorer?

Does refusing to climb the corporate ladder and settling as kindergarten teacher make me any less successful?

Does not having a man to love but having felt all the great love from family & friends make me a lonely person?

What does it take to feel whole, Bubba?
Tell me.

Inner Battles

“My mind reminds me of Syria and Palestine,


With nothing to reconcile.

But they say it’s fine.

It’s absolutely fine.

You can’t build strong minds with easy pasts.

These wars are just a reminder to be kinder.”



🍃🌸”The story of Musa (alayhi salaam) is the most recounted story of a Prophet in the Qur’an. In it are countless lessons for those who ponder.
One of the greatest being that of miracles…
It is no simple feat to stand before a sea, with a merciless army raging behind you, and the poorest and weakest of people by your side questioning your next move with a hysteria that only those on the brink of death ever experience. To have nowhere to turn, to know that every second is bringing the enemy closer and to realise that you have completely run out of options… and still, in the depths of impossibility, to have firm trust. 
Trust in Allah, the Supreme Master and the Lord of the heavens and earth; the One in control of everything.
🍃Musa raised his hands to Allah and Allah responded. He made the impossible possible. He parted the sea.
🌱 Do not look at the great impossibility of a situation, rather look at the greatness of the One who created possibility and controls every situation. 
Learn from Musa.

Trust Allah.



by shaikh Sajid Umar


A white canvas will know no red,until it is smeared with red paint.
As much as I want you to know,

As much as I myself need to know,

we can only push ourselves so much.

We all need to experience things ourselves

to understand things.

Growth is a powerful thing.

It needs a soul, a path, for a journey worth remembering.

Dawood & Jaloot

“Have you ever been a David?

Who was your Goliath?

Was Goliath your beloved?

Or a mere demon who lives inside you?

Was he too good too giant of an enemy to slay?

Were you hesitant?

Did you tell him your reason for killing him?

Did you manage to find closure?

Were you filled with contentment?”

Common Ground

Often we try to match our stories with reality. Stories that fit our reality. A lot of us intuitively think of opposite extremes. That things can only be either or. 

Either this OR that.

Nothing in between. 

“It’s either you’re with me, OR, against me.”

Most of us forget the scale of things. We forget that things can be this AND that.

Or somewhere in between.

The Sunnah of Allah involves gradualism and processes.Of course, things can change drastically. Things can shut off and on.

Alas, what we usually don’t see is the silent gradual process that takes place before the trigger. 

And the Prophet too cried.

“The eyes are filled with tears,

The heart feels pain,

But the lips only utter what pleases the Lord.”

Peace and blessings be upon him.

My love,

Unhappiness is easy.

Happiness, on the contrary,

needs to be worked for.

So my dear shattered hearts,

May you be pleased with what Ar-Ra’uf, The Most Kind, have given you.

May you be those who endured a little more.

For only a little more remains.

*disclaimer: Some words are taken from the speech of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallaam and some are from the righteous predecessor. May The Lord of The Heavens and The Earth be have mercy upon his soul. 


   “Today’s one of those days where I want to dismiss everybody, pack my bags and crank dinosaur-sausage in Alaska with the Polar bears.

But I don’t have a mahram.

So okay,

I will take it like a man.” 

Said Umm Ahmad to me . She is struggling to deal with people gracefully like a double-identitied noble Queen slash humble slave girl.

P/s: Forbearance is taking patience to a different level. Umm Ahmad, your rewards is with Allah.